1. Confederate War Reenactors are replaced with Hillary Campaign Reenactors
I gotta admit, growing up on the beaches of LosAngeles was pretty sweet. Warm sands. Sunny skies. The crisp water of the ocean always at your beck and call. Totes sweet. Unfortunately, it also meant I didn’t have the foggiest clue what “The South” was. You mean…SanDiego?? No, my good natured hippie love-child, The South which will Rise Again. Or at least once a year when thousands gather together for Reenactments.
“You mean they’re LARPing…?”
Yeah…kinda…except they take it WAAYYY more seriously. Don’t you get around to making fun of their grandfather’s authentic Civil War musket. They’ll mess you up.
I am kinda figuring we are going to see something similar in the future with Hillary’s camp. The streets of Portland will be overrun with protestors handing out bottles of Chardonnay. Arts and Crafts tents will be erected to make paper mache sculptures out of shredded emails. Maybe a crystal bouncy house to let people jump in Hillary’s Fortress of Solitude…
“Hillary’s Campaign Will Rise Again…Together This Time!”
2. Bill Moves Into The Playboy Mansion
He stays out too late, got nothing in his brain, that’s what people say, that’s what people say. He goes on too many dates, but he can’t make them stay…
At least that’s what people say.
Can you imagine Bill on his own? No, I mean really on his own. Right now he is living in his luxurious penthouse apartment at the Clinton Presidential Library and Museum in Little Rock. Hillary lives in her Whitehaven house, also named the “Fortress of Solitude.” I imagine the Playboy Mansion, nestled in Beverly Hills, would be the nerve center for a man seeking flocks of vapid vixens until his dying breath.
3. FBI Director James Comey Renounces America, Moves To Canada
“Quebec or British Columbia….”
First and foremost, I don’t think this would ever happen. James Comey is more American than apple pie, and the idea of apple pie leaving our great nation is just unthinkable.
Clinton spent the last who knows how many years tearing the apple pie apart, it might not feel as loved as it once did. Maybe if she blamed this apple pie for her career path failure, or flying off the handle at the pie on her iPhone before finally chucking it into Hudson River, crying to the media that it was the one who lost the World Series and if it wasn’t for this apple pie we’d still have Crystal Pepsi…
I don’t know…maybe this isn’t as far fetched as I thought.
Ne laissez pas, Comey!!
4. Chelsea Runs For New York Senate. Remembers She Hates Politics. Joins A Build-A-Bear Workshop For Inner City Youth Instead.
Listen, Chelsea isn’t a bad person. Honestly, I think she is the nicest Clinton on the face of the earth. She has a good heart, she is wicked smart and she is a good mother. I applaud her for her loyalty and devotion to her parents as they chase their dreams! However, she does not have a single muscle of politics in her body, and the campaign trail would chew her up and spit her out. I doubt this will be the last we see of her though! Let’s just hope she uses her time in charitable ways…that won’t destroy her.
5. We Will Finally Get A Woman President. For Serious, This Time.
Hey, don’t discount it. It could happen!
It costs about $1 Billion dollars to get into the White House, as I have stated before.
Taylor Swift is getting close to that kinda dough.
Could you imagine the fleet of albums she would crack out if she had to deal with Congress??