This article originally appeared on Ravishly.

37 Is Too Old To Date, Says Hollywood

Contributed by Tamarah Rockwood |

Old guy, younger woman. Nonsense.

What if an accomplished actress was not just the love interest of an older man?  What if being 37 meant I was worth more than being an attraction?  What if being a 37 year old woman with a career had value beyond my bikini lines.  Wouldn’t that be crazy?

Apparently women who are 37, by Hollywood’s standards, are way too old to date a male protagonist in his mid-50s.

While our first reaction might be a flavor of, “I’m sorry, what??” it isn’t that surprising.  Remember “Sabrina” with Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart? Dude, Hepburn was 25 in that film.  25. Bogart was 55.

Not much has changed.

What threw me when I read that Maggie Gyllenhaal was too old, by Hollywood’s standards, to play the love interest of a 55 year old dude, was realizing that I was turning 37 this year.

I had to walk that one off.

This means I am too old to date anyone who is 55 such as the enchanting Hugh Laurie, or the elegant James Spader.  I may be young enough to date Tom Selleck, who is completely owning his 70s, but really, no one is that lucky.

But that got me thinking: who else am I too old to date?*

Jim Carrey: This amazing actor is sporting his 53 years with vigor, and enjoying life with Cathriona White, who is 28. So I am waayyyy too old for Jim.

Johnny Depp: Albeit still a youthful 50, Johnny’s illustrious lady friend, Amber Heard, is still an even more youthful 27.

Leonardo DiCaprio: This overly talented man has not even reached his 50s, and yet he has never had a woman on his yacht that has reached their 30s. 

But, to be fair, the most beautifully talented Robin Wright is pulling off her 50th year with a 35 year old Ben Foster. And although you wouldn’t know it, Joan Collins is sashaying her 81st year with a 49 year old Percy Gibson.  So, men may have similar limitations with gaining the attentions of phenomenal women in Hollywood.

The other day Melissa McCarthy had a quality moment with the press:  “McCarthy then asked him if he had a daughter: “If she comes home and someone says, ‘You can’t have a job because you are unattractive,’ are you going to say, ‘That’s right’?”

“Just know every time you write stuff, every young girl in this country reads that, and they just get a little bit chipped away,” McCarthy said. “I just think we tear down women in this country for all these superficial reasons, and women are so great and strong.”

I just wonder…if my daughter came home one day and said she couldn’t have a job because she was too old, how would that be right?

What if an accomplished actress was not just the love interest of an older man?  What if being 37 meant I was worth more than being an attraction?  What if being a 37 year old woman with a career had value beyond my bikini lines.  Wouldn’t that be crazy?

You know what that makes me think, though?  It makes me think that us older women have the upper hand with Hollywood.  Sure, Maggie Gyllenhaal can’t be a love interest to a 55 year old actor…but, stay with me here: what if she didn’t have to be a love interest, at all?  What if a woman was the hero, like Katniss Everdeen?  Or maybe the women fought for themselves, like in “Mad Max”?  What if the leading woman was like Emma Stone’s role as Sam Thompson in “Birdman”? 

What if women had worth as more than the romantic interest to a man?  It seems that if Hollywood shuts the door to women in their 30s for this position, that the doors of opportunity for greater, world-changing roles actually open up for us.

So, with all this being said: at a distinguished 37, I believe I am actually ahead of the game.  By Hollywood’s standards.

*obviously, hypothetically speaking. 

This article originally appeared on Ravishly.

The Forest Fashionista: Off The Grid Fashion Tips

I am a big believer in dressing for how you feel.

Feeling funky? Sweat pants and a comfy shirt are probably in your best interest.

Feeling sassy? Definitely a skirt and scarf.

Feeling like swimming? Probably whatever bathing suit you found at Target that you picked up on the way out, when you stopped in for shampoo and cat food.

Feeling like it’s Tuesday…. and you are trying to catch up with projects and still have no idea what to do for dinner?

Tshirt and jeans.

Honestly, it’s tshirt and jeans almost every day.  Which makes me think that either I have it all together, and I just have a balance between “comfortable” and “eclectic”…or I am living off the fashion grid, entirely.  I think a lot of people actually dress according to what is in season..? Like, apparently you can dress for Autumn, and there are some color requirements for that.

That is just too restricting for those of us in the forest.

We have “Forest Glamorous,” which means we are wearing nice jeans, a decent leather jacket and a fancy scarf.

Yet, there is life beyond just tshirt and jeans .  There is more to an ensemble than denim and scarves.

Let me take you down the dusty roads into: Off The Grid Fashion Tips

Shirts:

I am trying to wear Ben’s shirts less, and my shirts more.

Even though his shirts are really comfortable, and don’t show my poochy belly or untoned arms as much.

As we can see in this forest ensemble, the model is sporting a lovely Firefly shirt she bought on the internet.

Pants:

Jeans.

I wear my size 12 jeans when I want to believe I am a size 12.

I wear my size 14 jeans when I am being realistic.

As we can see here, the forest dweller has emerged to enjoy the native coastline in a full denim ensemble: the overalls.              

Also bought on the internet.

Capes:

Capes are the most underappreciated article of clothing.

Not only do they keep your arms and torso warm, but your legs as well!  No more warm jackets protecting your upper body while letting your poor legs be pelted to death by chill.

Chill is only a frame of mind.

Bonus: hoodie feature.

Princess of Avalon?  Maybe.

Hats:

If the caped hood is not your style, you can simply go with the classic – the hat.

A classic, wide brimmed hat…

or the simple, yet lovely, birdcage veil.

Wigs:

Another underutilized cranial accessory is the wig!

Why spend countless hours and hundreds of dollars to try to get your hair to another shade, when you can wear a wig!

It is easy as pie: braid your hair in the back or wrap it around your head and adorn your crown with the fabulous wig.

A lovely shade of purple may suit your ensemble…

Or a full spectrum of colors, for the colorly indecisive.

Further Accessories:

You may wish to accent your ensemble with rainbow socks:

Fully decked out in Mom’s socks… 

Or a pickaxe.

There you have it, my friends.

A full spectrum of Off The Grid Fashion ideas to completely throw your fashion friends’ heads’ spinning.

But damn will you look good when you do.

The other day we took a day trip over to Seattle, proper.  We don’t live in Seattle, proper. We live a boatride away.

It’s awesome.

So we went to Seattle for the day, just exploring and checking things out.  Last November I had taken the kids to Golden Gardens Park, which was quite lovely and attached to a huge beach.  We loved it. Plus, it was empty, which made my levels of anxiety regarding losing a kid in a park almost nil.  We all wanted to go back and play at this magical park again.

Unfortunately, last time we were there was the end of Fall.  Now is the end of Spring.  It was packed with people, bbqs, volleyball nets and random mohawked circus jugglers.

If you haven’t seen “Hot Fuzz,” then this won’t make much sense. But it is hilarious.

So, we hung out at the tide pools and the kids collected a few billion caterpillars that are swarming on everything around here, and stuck them on their jeans and walked around with them.  Eve named hers Nacho.  Nacho the Caterpillar.

After that we were driving past the Locks, and stopped in to take a peek.

The Locks is this ginormous park that celebrates the Locks that separate the Washington Lake freshwater from the Sound saltwater, and allow ships and boats to go through without disturbing the water too much.  It was neat.  We watched a 1980s video in a dark room about it.

So, we were walking around and watching people’s boats go through the Locks, and on the other side we found the Salmon Ladder.

This ladder is to make sure the salmon can migrate home without getting stuck in/on/around the boats.  Apparently it is pretty successful, because they built this thing in like, 1916 and it has been managing boat travel and over a million salmon, or some crazy number, every year.

All this being said: we were standing in front of the fish ladder exhibit, which was rather interesting.  If there were fish coming through, you would be able to watch them through the windows.  However, we were past migratory season so we were just watching water.  But still – pretty interesting to learn about.

The mesmerizing fish windows.

Well, next to the windows were little red buttons.

Underneath the red buttons was a plaque that said, “Push to hear audio about the types of salmon.”

However, no one read the plaque.  Well, I did, but no one else noticed it was there.

So one of my little children looks at me and asks, “What does the red button do?”

Now, it has been a rather long day at this point and we are at the end of our urban hike, so I am a little tired.

This is the excuse I am using to justify my response.

“Well, if you push the red button the fish fall out.”

*wide eyed*

“So, can I push it?”

“Sure. But all the fish will fall out.”

I don’t even know what this means. The fish will fall out of where? Onto what? Into the auditorium? Into the water?  So many questions!

But every one of the kids asked me the same question about the red button, and I said the exact same thing each time.

Ben was far too eager to get in on this action, and we discussed the fish (who weren’t even there) for a good long time while we were at this exhibit.

Needless to say, no one pushed the red button since no one wanted to hurt the fish.

I imagine, many years from now, my children will take their children to see the Salmon Ladder.

And they will look at the red buttons that will make the fish fall out, and they will be eager and ready to tell their children about this feature….when suddenly…

“WAIT! THIS BUTTON IS JUST FOR AUDIO!”

“THE FISH WON’T FALL OUT IF YOU……gaaahhhh…..Mooooommmmmm.”

Muahahaha.  Mom strikes again.

Last week we enjoyed Shavuot, which is the Jewish festival of firstfruits of the wheat harvest, as well as the day celebrating when Moses brought the Torah to Yisrael: “Finally, G-d gave Moses the two stone Tables of Testimony, containing the Ten Commandments, written by G-d Himself.“

An easy way to remember Shavuot is that it is the same day as Pentecost: God gave the Torah, and He gave the Spirit.

“The Torah was given by G‑d to the Jewish people on Mount Sinai more than 3300 years ago. Every year on the holiday of Shavuot we renew our acceptance of G‑d’s gift, and G‑d “re-gives” the Torah.  The word Shavuot means “weeks.” It marks the completion of the seven-week counting period betweenPassover and Shavuot.” (chabad.org)

Traditionally, the entire book of Ruth is read on Shavuot, so, I was reading all 4 chapters of Ruth…I remember it being a little longer than 4 chapters, for some reason.  But, 4 chapters it was.  I always had read the book of Ruth as a love story between Boaz and Ruth, but now I am reading it and noticing that the whole thing basically took place in the fields!  So, that makes sense, being the festival of wheat harvests.

“The Book of Ruth was recorded by the prophet Samuel. It is appropriate to read the Book of Ruth on Shavuot for two reasons: First, because Shavuot is a harvest festival and the Book of Ruth gives us a picture of the harvest, and how the poor were treated in the harvest season with sympathy and love. Secondly, because Shavuot is the anniversary of the passing of King David, who was the great-grandson of Ruth and Boaz, whose story is told in the Book of Ruth.”  (chabad.org)

When I just started the book, though, I was completely struck with how close Naomi and Ruth were.  These were women who had come together through Ruth’s marriage to Naomi’s son, experienced deaths of husbands together, and clung to each other in friendship through life and through hardships.

“Naomi was loving to Ruth and Orpah, and while Orpah decided to return back to her mother, Ruth wanted to stay with Naomi.

Then they lifted up their voices and wept again. And Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her.

15 And she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” 16 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” 18 And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more.“

This is such an incredible picture of friendship between women.

But…in reality, they had something more than friendship. The relationship Naomi and Ruth had was something akin to “kenzoku,” which is, “is a Japanese term which means “family”,  a bond that is shared by people with the same or nearly the same ideals,  have the same commitment or even destiny.  We know and feel the presence of  the deepest connection of friendship. These people may be family members, a friend from high school, co-workers who we probably haven’t talked to in decades but we know they are there for us when we need them. Time and distance do nothing to cut the bond we have with them.”

These women loved each other.  They were friends and they were family; they were kenzoku.  I am honestly moved just thinking about the two of them holding hands and traveling home, together.  

Sometimes, relationships in life can be complicated. 

Friendships in school when we were kids was rather uncomplicated.  We all had our friends, and we knew who definitely weren’t our friends; but adults can be complicated, sometimes. 

The other day I got a message out of the blue from someone I used to know.  We were not close, at all, and I had only talked with her once on the phone sometime last year, and it was for something in particular.  I did not have any sort of relationship with her, because we weren’t friends.  

I haven’t even seen her since last year, when we were both attendants of the same group; so getting a message from her was surprising.  Without any context, she simply said:

“I am sad you unfriended me.”

Which was also odd…because if I remember somewhat correctly, I closed the connection with this woman sometime around last summer.  It’s been almost a year. I haven’t talked with her or heard from her in ages.  Our kids never became friends, I never got together with her, our husbands never talked.  I really don’t know what this meant…there is zero context on this statement.

Odd.  A little complicated.  But odd.

Now, with any other situation I might have seen this as an open door to rekindle something.  But, there really aren’t embers to rekindle anywhere. 

There never was a friendship with her, because there was no relationship with her.

Friends, especially kenzoku friends, aren’t complicated because love isn’t complicated.  It really isn’t. You know when someone loves you, and you definitely know when they don’t.  This is one thing you don’t need to debate back and forth: if someone loves you, you feel loved. If someone doesn’t love you…what is there?

The thing about friends, is that they are part of your life.  They call you and see how things are going.  They text you once in a while to connect with you.  You feel better after being with them and sharing your life with them.  Friends include you. They encourage you. I can think of friends I have had for years, and I look forward to talking to them every time we get on the phone together.  I truly enjoy including them, and encouraging them in their lives, and I look forward to being included in their lives and being encouraged by their words.  I love the friends in my life because they are amazing people who are part of my life.  

Having a relationship with someone is so much more than just showing up and being a warm body.  Mere attendance is not the soul of a relationship: the heart is.

A relationship is understanding your friends in ways no one else can. A relationship with your friends means you don’t bully them into obeying your own dogmas and expectations; which seems like and overly obvious quality, I think. A relationship with your friends is kind and generous.

A truly wonderful relationship with friends means you love them.

“Why did you do all this for me?’ he asked. ‘I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.’ ‘You have been my friend,’ replied Charlotte. ‘That in itself is a tremendous thing.”

― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web

It is a tremendous thing, indeed.

We usually don’t do formal snacks, so they were a little more than extremely thrilled for this event.

Review: This was obviously the most popular dish, since I let the kids have dessert in the middle of the day.  I would highly suggest this for desserts, playdates, special occasions, birthdays…really, it was super simple and incredibly tasty.

• Homemade jelly
• Homemade whipped cream
• Chobani Kids Yogurt
• Shortcakes

Homemade Jelly:  Frozen berries, 1/2 cup lemonade, 1 cup of white sugar. Boil for 15 minutes and let cool.

 Homemade Whipped Cream: Take heavy whipping cream, add 1 tsp of vanilla, and use an electric beater until it forms peaks.

 Let the kids pour the yogurt into the shortcake, then spoon the jelly on top, and then a dollop of whipped cream!

 Dessert!

Fin.

Wow, I can’t believe this is online.

I loved watching this when I was a kid.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x21wzox_pippi-longstocking-1969_shortfilms

This article originally appeared on Ravishly.

What Monday Morning Looks Like For A SAHM…In The Summer

Contributed by Tamarah Rockwood |

You had it all planned out last night as you were falling asleep, that you were finally going to be that mom who woke up at 6am…just to get in her morning jog.  Or stretching.  Something more physical than stumbling down the stairs towards the coffee pot.

Ahh, summer is here and the air is ripe with possibilities.

Should you go to the beach today? Is today a picnic at the park kind of day? Should you stay home and finish projects all day? Are you going to get the kids decked out in overalls and bandanas and finally clean the garage? Or a closet? Or something?

Summer is your oyster.  And you spent all Sunday night laying in bed thinking of how you were going to grab that oyster by the horns, and ride it into something substantial.  Heck, by the end of Monday, you could be finished with a million things!  A bazillion, if you really stuck to the list!

Unfortunately, this is what Monday morning really looks like:

1. Your Alarm Has No Power Here

Well, for one, you forgot to charge your phone last night.

Two, see those two alarms?  6am and 7am.  You were going to wake up well before the kids got up, and you were going to make a pot of coffee and finish all your reading, lounging, emails and catching up on your Daily Mail  and CDAN gossip. You had it all planned out last night as you were falling asleep, that you were finally going to be that mom who woke up at 6am…just to get in her morning jog.  Or stretching.  Something more physical than stumbling down the stairs towards the coffee pot.

But today is not that morning. For verily, the 6am alarm went off…and then the 7am alarm went off. And you finally got to the coffee pot at 8am.

2. Your Trello List Is Already Behind Schedule

You really, seriously wanted this week to be different!

Last night before you crashed into bed, after staying awake for most of “Halt and Catch Fire,” and watching Donna lose her marbles and Joe getting stuck in the basement of data entry (he kinda had it coming to him)…and Gordon was doing cocaine?  WTH?  Anyway, you didn’t fall asleep through the end, like last week, and you took it as a sign that this was when you were going to get the ship back on track.

Except you are already 2 hours behind, so forget it. You’re drinking your coffee in your green flannel pjs without a bra, and the kids can have toast and bananas for breakfast.  (tomorrow you’ll make cinnamon waffles….tomorrow….)

3. If You Homeschool, You’re Still Doing School

We’re just kind of doing it…loosely, during the summer. But you have always had these grand plans of taking care of extra-curricular subjects over the summer.

What if we really buckled down and did German on Duolingo, or focused on piano finally?  An art lesson every morning? Yes!!

Except you are freaked out about handwriting and writing composition, so in reality you are going to keep working on that.

4. Summer Programs Are Freaking Expensive

I would love to utilize more summer programs for the kids.  Lego camp? Horse riding camp? Nature camp? AWESOME CAMP.

Except that these babies are running ~$200, for a few hours per day, for one week. For one kid. Who of us have more than one?  Anyone else have 5?

$1000 for one week of part-time Lego camp is not really in our budget.

I could buy and entire fleet of Legos and build a scaled model of Middle Earth for that amount of money.  Plus, that is only one week out of the whole summer.  You still have to figure out what to do with the rest of the 11 weeks that doesn’t cost thousands of dollars.

Like the beach…maybe we need to find our bathing suits and sunscreen after breakfast.

5. By 10am, You Don’t Know If You Are Genuinely Excited About Life…

or if you have just put too many sugar cubes in your 5th cup of coffee.

One of many.

What you can barely see in this bucket is a clear, moon jellyfish.

This thing was about 3 inches in diameter, and easy to see in the bucket if you were there…not so much on a picture.

Last night we went to the beach with the kids to play in a little inflatable boat and wade in the water.  I keep forgetting it is saltwater, because from where we are it looks like a lake.  But saltwater it is, and it is sticky and a little grimy; most certainly not lake water.

We discovered the plume of jellyfish in the most unfortunate way: while swimming with them. Now, I will give you peace of mind by saying no one got stung. These guys are pretty harmless, and there was no pain or cause for alarm.  I was pretty sure of this, being a nature trivia junkie, and I reconfirmed it with some research and asking the locals (“clear is fine, yellow is painful, avoid the red.”)

However, the discovery of hundreds of jellyfish floating merrily next to the kids’ legs may have been a good time for the jellies, but it did not go over well with the kids.  At all.  One in the water panicked, and started swimming into deeper Sound (had to turn him around and direct him onto the shore). Another cried all the way back to the car out of fear of death by moon jellies, and most of the way home. And the rest were generally grossed out during the ordeal. Finally, one fell on the beach and scraped both knees on barnacles, and was a little bloody mess. Some beaches here are so covered in barnacles it is impossible to walk in flip flops…boots are kind of an absolute must, especially on this beach, in particular.

We placated the situation with Happy Meals and showers.

I am grateful the kids are still young enough that this still works.

Hey, anyone else stupidly excited about Jurrasic World?

Because I am stupidly excited about Jurrasic World. I’m taking a couple of the older kids to the movies this afternoon, and I am going to dream about dinosaurs all night.

I love dinosaur movies. Godzilla. The Land Before Time. King Kong, especially the recent King Kong .  I think I love that we are trying to recreate the world using our imaginations…and sometimes that is amazing.  Sometimes, it is weird. Sometimes it is terrifying…but that’s what a good story is. It takes you somewhere that you could never get to on your own.  And I love a good journey 🙂

SO, with that being said: today is a great pizza day!

The best thing about this recipe: it actually tastes like pizza.

It isn’t made out of cauliflower, quinoa, tofu, asparagus or unicorns.

It is a straight up, solid, easy pizza recipe.

Okay, so I have been making this pizza all week for lunch, because it is amazingly easy…and the kids go nuts over it.

There are no leftovers with this pizza.

Ben tried it the other day, and even he said it “tastes really good,” was “very filling,” and is “a great lunch.”

These are reviews us mothers live for. 😉  Seriously, after a few days of sandwiches at home, you have to start thinking outside the box for meals.  And since we eat at home every day, I run out of interesting ideas unless I spend a good hour in front of a notebook once a week brainstorming meal planning.

So here you go! An easy pizza recipe anyone can make!

Ingredients:

Dough-

• 5 cups flour
• 1 cup oil
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1 cup of warm water
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 Tbsp yeast

Sauce-

• 3 cups of canned/diced tomatoes
• 1 can of tomato paste
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 red bell pepper, sliced
• 1/2 yellow bell pepper, sliced
• 2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese

What’chu Do:

1. Preheat oven to 125F
2. Add the yeast, warm water and sugar to a mixing bowl. Let sit and froth for 5 minutes.
3. Add flour, salt, and oil and mix until smooth. You may need to add a little more water, but add it ta tablespoon at a time.
4. Pour the dough onto parchment paper on a baking sheet, smooth out to all corners and put the sheet into the oven to rise for 30 minutes.
5. While the dough is rising, make the sauce, slice up the bell peppers and shred the cheese
6. Take the dough out of the oven and raise the temperature to 375F
7. Pour the sauce and bell peppers onto the dough and spread gently with a spatula
8. Sprinkle the cheese over the sauce
9. Place back into the oven for 20 minutes
10. Let cool before you start cutting it…and then enjoy thoroughly!!

Happy Pizza Kids

Last night I had crazy dreams.

I had a dream some guy gave me a potion of some sort…but it looked weird.

Well, everything looked weird. The whole setting was in this orange light, 1970s blurry Kodak lens filter. Everything around me was old, but I was moving out so it was cool. There was this horrible marbled shag carpet on the floor, there was a dusty exercise bike that someone had tried giving to me in the living room that I passed as I was walking out, and I was leaving.  No idea where, but this place I had called home was old and, baby, I was movin’ on.

After that I started running, in an orange dress, to boot.

I just ran and I had all this crazy energy to run, which is not like me at all. I really hate running…but I just had this fire inside me, and I was going somewhere. It was the most incredible feeling.  Just running without pain.  All joy.  Going somewhere amazing, but who knows where that was.

Who was the guy with the potion?  He looked like Mr. Wizard, but his appearance was brief. I think he said, “you need this,” and then just watched me take off.  And the potion…it was more like these little pills of light, and I don’t remember taking them. I just held them in my hand and they incorporated themselves into me.

Man that was a weird dream.  But I feel amazing this morning.