Day: December 30, 2015

As A Parent of 5 Kids, I Am Thinking Outside The Box. For Colleges.

On By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

This article originally appeared on Ravishly

As A Parent of 5 Kids, I Am Thinking Outside The Box. For Colleges.

Contributed by Tamarah Rockwood | 07.6.15 2:00am

If Disneyland is out of the picture for us, then paying for college 5 times over is well out of the picture.

fancy-picture-frames

As mama duck to my precious little ducklings, I have a lot on my plate.

3 meals a day for 7 mouths, 2 adults included, can start adding up fast. We have gone from 2 cups of dry rice to cook for dinner to 5 cups of dry rice, just to feed everyone. 1 loaf of bread a day. Apples are hardly a dime a dozen anymore…and don’t even begin on the amount of peanut butter and jelly we have gone through already.

Other questions of logistics come up, such as how do you keep everyone’s shoes in one place; particularly when the 3 year old keeps putting them on her teddy bears?  How long can we pass down clothes until we can’t remember who wore them first, in the first place? Will we ever see Disneyland, or is that going to be a vacation left for retirement?

These are all sorts of logistics and questions with a large family, to make sure everyone has what they need in order to feel loved and are all well provided for.

However, my mind goes to the not so distant future, well before I start pestering them for bundles of grandkids:  college.

If Disneyland is out of the picture for us, then paying for college 5 times over is well out of the picture.

Fortunately, these children have a mother who thinks outside the box: EUROPE.

Follow me on this idea.

5 Incredible European Colleges American Graduates Can Attend…For Free

I’m not even kidding, I love this idea so much.

1) Germany

Bist du von Deutschland?  Nein??  Good, then you are in a good place to apply for free college in good ol’ Deutschland.

DAAD: German Academic Exchange Service has all the resources you need to get yourself on a plane to enjoy your studies with a side of sauerkraut.

From the University of Duisburg-Essen to the Hamburg Institute of Technology…Germany has courses in German and English for your little expat.

2) Finland

Finland Scholarships for International Students
Would you like a little more Nordic in your life? Finland’s got’cha covered! They are lovely people, with the driest wit on earth. Do not underestimate their lack of smiling for ill humor. They are just biding their time until something genuinely strikes their fancy to dazzle you with their grin.  After homework, of course.

3) Scotland

Perhaps you are feeling a little more brave than frigid…Scotland is waiting for your budding college student to enroll!

Study in Scotland is where you begin your tartan travels into Bachelor degrees. And for goodness sake, invite your mother to come live with you. Because she loves you, and was in 20 hours of labor to give birth to you…she deserves some time in Scotland in her lifetime.  But, no pressure. Your education is more important.

4) Brazil

Talvez você gostaria de estudar no Brasil?

Maybe you need something completely different. Something you have never experienced before.  Maybe you aren’t the chilly-weather, independent, northern-European kind of student.

Maybe you need a university a little warmer, a little more flamboyant…a university with some South American pizazz.  Perhaps you need to be in a country where everyone is family, and many Acarajé and Moqueca meals await for you there.

Well, my friends, Science in Brazil is your new home.

5) Slovenia

Do not underestimate the idea of studying in Slovenia. Their tuition is free, their cost of living is reasonable and they have an incredible amount of programs available for American students…and it is a beautiful country.

In a country nestled in the Alps right next to Austria and a boat ride away from Italy, you will find a land…just smaller than New Jersey.  However, this small amount of historical land boasts both a coastal line on the Adriatic Sea, a mountain line of the Alps and valleys, farmland and delightfully charming towns in between.  This might be thinking out of the box in a big way…but…

Expand your educational horizons, and check out Studying in Slovenia.

There you have it, fellow parents!  5 different paths to college for your little, expatriate ducklings!

The Writer’s Struggle: A Peek Inside The Quest To Get My Brain Back

On By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

 This article originally appeared on Ravishly.

The Writer’s Struggle: A Peek Inside The Quest To Get My Brain Back

We’ve all been there, writer or not. Burnt-out, blank, and bitter. I spend hours staring at the screen, doodling on paper meant for jotting notes, and wondering what I am going to have to do for the rest of my life now that my brain refuses to work anymore.

There comes a point in every writer’s life when their brain just refuses to work.

At one point, we remember fondly, it worked like a well-oiled machine. You asked it to come up with brilliant writing ideas, and boom, out came a dozen A+ titles and ideas. Words made sense when you put them together to form coherent sentences, and your thoughts rolled off the page in a cascade of intellectual brilliance, leading your readers down beautifully landscaped rabbit trails and into a field of dreams fulfilled.

Unfortunately, after being A+ quality for enough time, the poor ol’ brain just gives up the ghost. No more brilliant ideas. No more quirky, funny idioms to follow along a riveting tale of life that brings tears to your readers’ eyes.

It could. It did. But it doesn’t.

My brain refuses to work anymore.

We’ve all been there, writer or not. Burnt-out, blank, and bitter. I spend hours staring at the screen, doodling on paper meant for jotting notes, and wondering what I am going to have to do for the rest of my life now that my brain refuses to work anymore. I have even tried quick dates with your brain, hoping to jumpstart it back into its usual, fun-loving self! I tried taking it on a quick lunch date at Taco Bell, but it brought along the voice of my old Creative Writing professor (who is never invited). I tried taking an evening stroll, but it just reminded me how out of shape I am, since my profession is basically sitting and not moving for a really long time. Once, I even tried to get a smile out of poor old Brain after I took her out for sushi by putting chopsticks under my lips and pretending to be a walrus. Somehow, this avenue didn’t work either.

Nothing seemed to work.

But I persevered, and I am here to share with you my brain-boosting secrets.

Have no fear, my weary, brain-dead friends: It is on this day when you must find your well-functioning hands. Get to work at serenading your poor, tired, weary brain — Romance her back into your life.

Lightbulb! 4 Brilliant Ideas For Revitalizing Your Brain, From A Writer’s Perspective:

1. Ice Breaker

You have been holding it all in for a while . . . it is time to let it out.

It’s time to have a heart-to-heart (brain-to-brain?) with your headspace. Let it know how you’re feeling:

“I feel like I am the only one working on our projects, and I think the balance in work is completely unfair. I know I have not been the greatest listener for you, and you are feeling overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I am throwing at you. But when you clam up like this, it makes me think that you don’t even want to do this anymore. And that hurts me. I don’t want to go back into real estate — we both wanted to be a writer, remember?”

This is how the healing begins.

2. Listen

Now that you’ve said your piece, listen to what your brain has to say. Your brain might tell you that even though the expectations for being a writer are on the table, what she hears is all the other things she has to do during the day as well. By the end of the night, she is so enveloped in planning, scheduling, and working that she can’t even think of a good, solid metaphor for how tired she is.

Don’t try to fix it. Yet. This is the time to listen to her side without dismissing what she has to say.

3. Body Language

Once you have finished listening to her side, it is time to do some body language analysis.

Your shoulders are tight, your back is sore, your legs are bouncy, and you have had a headache for five days — Motrin is just a placebo at this point. You won’t be able to think clearly until you start stretching, unwinding, massaging, and treating that headache. Do you need a better pillow? Or is it the fact that you have been drinking black coffee and Diet Coke for a few weeks, and completely forgotten where the water faucet is? Go hydrate yourself, eat a well balanced meal with protein and carbs, and get a pillow that supports your neck better so you won’t wake up with a crick in your shoulders every morning.

This is a perfect time for some physical relief: the batting cages, a solid bike ride, a lengthy swim, some rowing machine action, or a genuine stretching session will get your blood moving again, and it’ll get the kinks out of your joints.

Now limp your way to the bathroom and take a bath to soak those bad-attitude toxins out of your skin.

4. Recovery

Remind yourself: Hemingway didn’t write everything perfect the first time, either. Austen had drafts and revisions, as well. The Brontë sisters were their own worst critics.  You are peers amongst them all, and you can do this.

5. Wine Yourself Back Into Love

You are now ready for the wine. This is obviously the most important step.

Get a quiet room and light some tea candles on your desk. Fill your glass with wine and open your laptop. We are going to begin with one article, and only one article.

When we have finished that one, we can move on . . . but no pressure.

Chances are, at this point, you are damn ready to get back to it, and your fingers are only too eager to comply with your freshly-reinvigorated brain — which is back online! A pun! We have arrived!

Just keep the wine bottle close so you don’t have to get up too often.

Cheers!

Motherhood And Impostor Syndrome

On By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment
Contributed by Tamarah Rockwood

“What am I doing? What am I doing with this? I don’t know what I am doing as a mother. I’m out of ideas, I just know it . . . I am all washed up. My children are doomed. And I’m not even 40. Now what?”

-my mind

Twelve years ago, the Mom train rolled in to my station, and I have been singing “I-Think-I-Can” ever since.

What surprises me most about being a mother is how much I don’t feel like a mother.

When I was pregnant, I thought that some ethereal hormone would magically show up in my system and turn me into the mother that existed in my imagination. A mother with a firm countenance and gentle smile, always ready to tackle the conflicts of life with a plate of freshly-baked cookies. Suddenly, I would know how to style my hair to look respectable. My lapels would be starched, my pants ironed. This was the mother I believed I would become, once my uterus was activated with life. I was going to be the perfect mother. I just knew it.

None of this happened.

What actually happened was a rough pregnancy fueled by hives upon hives that lasted for a solid five months, followed by a swollen nether-region that was only comforted by the frozen infant diapers that clung to my mesh underwear, and every inch of hope that it wouldn’t look like that forever.

My new reality was sleeping when I could, eating like a horse, nursing with bleeding nipples, and ordering my husband to restock the lanolin,immediately.  My new reality was planning days for me and my kids to learn, explore, and thoroughly enjoy this incredible life we had together.

Starching lapels and baking cookies weren’t even on the radar. Not after the Mom train rolled in.

The thing was, I thought the train that rolled in was the Mom train. In the beginning, I was so distracted by all the expectations I had for myself — who I wanted to be, what mother I was going to become, what child I was going to raise, and all the other things I thought would be on this train and Amazon-Primed to me overnight — that it took me a long time to realize that it actually wasn’t the Mom train that showed up on my doorstep.

It was my train.

With my name on it. And everything I was, and everything I had become, was on that train. The bold woman with a never-ending supply of opinions was on that train. The slightly overweight woman who looked amazing in a corset was on that train. The woman I became after five years of marriage, after a college degree, after holding my children in my arms and listening to their beautiful little stories about mermaids and dinosaurs, was the mother I had become.

I never received that ethereal hormone, or an instruction manual on what a lapel even looked like.

When my train rolled in, I already was the mother I had actually always wanted to be.

I was my children’s mother. And we were going to do amazing things together.

The other morning, I woke up with a Mary Poppins song stuck in my head. Really, for no good reason whatsoever. I haven’t watched Mary Poppins in years, although I have the whole darn thing memorized. Why wouldn’t I? Mary Poppins is what all mothers should be, right?

(Julie Andrews is the bomb. There is no denying that.)

So, my brain goes retro that morning, well before coffee, and puts the Nanny song that the children chanted, while kneeling on their studio-set living room rug, on repeat:

If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts!
Play games, all sort

You must be kind, you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty
Take us on outings, give us treats
Sing songs, bring sweets.

A little on the demanding side from the kids, if you ask me. Always cheery? Very sweet? Rosy cheeks? 

Maybe this singing duet never saw their mother prep the house to host a birthday party with 25 guests, only to discover that the Pinterest cake would fail miserably and the trendy games would fall flat. That the brilliant idea of havingFrozen-themed karaoke would also fail, because, unbeknownst to her, the other children aren’t allowed to watch TV. They don’t even know the songs that you have already heard 5 million times.

Not only is this mother out of ideas on how to save her daughter’s birthday at this point, but she spilled that spoonful of sugar, the one that can magically fix anything, on the cat.

Perhaps they had they never seen their mother after spending weeks prepping for a year of homeschooling and scouring the Internet for the best curriculum for each of her children, trying to figure out which math books to use for each child’s individual needs. Maybe they haven’t found their mother staring off into the distance, her hands still in the kitchen sink, while she worried about her son’s asthma this summer.

I don’t know if they ever wondered how their mother battled her own demons, who insisted she was completely inadequate — an outright impostor — after a playdate in a home with cream-colored carpets, zero screen time, and matching bento boxes lined up on the counter. A counter that doesn’t have jelly staining the edges, thanks to the toddler who has discovered how to make breakfast for herself before the crack of dawn.

Impostor Syndrome is the unwanted caboose on the train of motherhood. It is the trailing thoughts that give you the absurd ideas that you are a fraud. You suck at baking cookies. All of the decisions you have made for your family are wrong: Bottle instead of breast? Disposable diapers instead of cloth? Have you actually vaccinated your children? How is your marriage?

Who are you, anyway?

Impostor Syndrome makes us believe there is a Mom train. The Mom train doesn’t have mothers who have tattoos, or who homeschool, or who think iPads and Netflix are awesome. Somehow, this train defines us all, creating an expectation we can’t meet. It creates this ridiculous idea that there is something all mothers should become, and that anything less will destroy their children, their families, and themselves.

Rosy cheeks and cheery disposition, my butt.

The fact of the matter is . . . Mary Poppins wasn’t the mother.

She was the nanny. When her shift was over, she popped that magic umbrella of hers open and flew away.

Their mother, Mrs. Banks, was still there. She encouraged their father to interact with their children more lovingly. At the end of the story, she was the one holding her children’s hands as they walked home from their infamous kite-flying adventure, the one who got them into their pajamas and tucked them into bed. She was the one who, presumably, watched them sleep at night, grateful for every bump, scrape and hug she got to spend with them.

Mrs. Banks was not an impostor.

Mrs. Banks was mother. In her story, Mrs. Banks was involved in the suffragette movement to change the future for her children. Mrs. Banks had order in her house, and made sure her children were taken care of. Mrs. Banks never baked cookies to solve a crisis in the house, or even once picked up the iron.  She was a strong woman who loved her family, and in the end she was a damn good mother.

Just like I am.

Just like you are.

The Queen Won’t…The Queen REFUSES…To Breed Corgis. For me.

On By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The British. I swear.

News is that The Queen has decided to stop breeding corgis. For, like, a good reason. Or something.

“Queen stops breeding corgis as ‘she doesn’t want to leave any behind‘

The monarch, who has just two surviving corgis, is said to have been keen to end the practice.“

corgi_2336207bPhoto: REX

Sayeth, WHAAAATTTTT…..

According toVictoria Ward, over at The Telegraph, HRH will stop breeding her corgis for good. Apparently, she only has 2 dogs left…and she is feeling her own time draw nigh.  Thusly, she is beginning her descent into accepting mortality, one small step at a time.

Or, in this case, one very short, stubby, Corgi step.

“The Queen’s deep affection for her favourite breed of dog is such that she will always be associated with them.

But it is understood that the monarch has stopped breeding Pembrokeshire Welsh Corgies because she does not want to leave any behind when she dies.”

Good heavens, HRH! Way to be morbid! I’m sure if you had more dogs, it would be okay.  Life could go on.  Maybe, there could be someone, somewhere, who would absolutely adore raising your corgi puppies for you.  Who knows who she could be. She could really be anybody in your post-colonial colonies. Anybody at all.  Just sitting here, waiting for you to bequeath her with your fleet of corgi puppies in your will.

All I’m saying, HRH, is that you do not have to throw in the towel with this endeavor. Don’t give up on the one thing you hold so dearly!  There is hope!

There are possibilities out there for your delightful puppies.

(the possibility that I would ever get in her will is…slim. But I have the American hope in my heart! You never know!!)

#callme.

5 Completely Unhelpful Parenting Books. From The Devil.

On By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

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Which Publisher is responsible for these hot messes?

Honestly.

It’s like learning how to parent isn’t hard enough as it is.  Finding a book about pregnancy and parenting that fits any person’s particular situation, needs and values is ridiculously difficult.

How do you deal with pregnancy? “With chocolate and warm hugs!”

What if you find out you are allergic to pregnancy hormones?

“…with…chocolate and warm hugs..?  Here, have a gallon of calamine lotion. I’m sorry.”

How do you deal with newborns? With toddlers? With texture food issues? With discipline? With your marriage…with yourself??

It takes a mighty strong person to make it through the first 9 months of pregnancy, and that strength helps toughen you up for the first year.  After that…it’s smooth sailing! Just toddler years, preschool, elementary school, growth spurts, first loves, college and grandbabies after that.

Right??

Easy peasy.

Unfortunately, we have to sort through books of this caliber of nonsense before we get there.

1) What To Expect When Your Wife Is Expanding

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http://www.amazon.com/Expect-Expanding-Month-Month-Father/dp/1449418465

I would like to be left in a windowless room for 10 minutes with this author.

Because it isn’t hard enough growing another life inside me, dealing with bloody noses, swollen feet, 30 (see: 50) extra pounds on my gut and hormones that just won’t quit…we have this book.

The sequel to his book should be, “Foolish Men: How To Build The Doghouse of Your Dreams!”

2. What The Heck Were You Expecting? A Complete Guide For The Perplexed Father

51r1zlwVteL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_

http://www.amazon.com/What-Heck-Were-You-Expecting-ebook/dp/B003F3PKGI/ref=la_B000AP1SY2_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436998586&sr=1-4

Another gem from this author.

15 minutes in a windowless room.

3) The Caveman’s Pregnancy Companion: A Survival Guide For Expectant Fathers

51TAMVWVAHL._SX435_BO1,204,203,200_

http://www.amazon.com/The-Cavemans-Pregnancy-Companion-Expectant/dp/140273526X/ref=pd_sim_14_28?ie=UTF8&refRID=0KHVHG2MDM8XXHKCAXAA

It’s like there is this complete lack of domain knowledge for fathers during pregnancy. Weird.

4) Expect The Unexpected When You’re Expecting

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http://www.amazon.com/Expect-Unexpected-When-Youre-Expecting/dp/0060951354

Hey, one for the ladies!

“This opinionated handbook solves the expectant mother’s fashion crises (including the Protruding Bellybutton Dilemma and Outgrown Maternity Clothes); gives you 1,001 (well, maybe six) ways to avoid sex in late pregnancy; helps you select the least wimpy name for your baby; tells the truth about just how much the “nesting syndrome” will cost you; and much more than you’ll ever need (or want) to know!”

Just from my POV: all the hormones in coitus helps initiate labor/birth. Which might be helpful…particularly in the last stretch of the pregnancy. Just sayin’. Don’t knock it till you try it.

5)  Heck With It…

“Guide to Pirate Parenting: Why You Should Raise Your Kids As Pirates, and 101 Tips on How to Do It”

51MS3nXM4+L._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Pirate-Parenting-Should-Pirates/dp/1583852913/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1437001189&sr=1-1&keywords=guide+to+pirate+parenting&pebp=1437001195158&perid=1BHNMEHFM21VB71WF4DK

Chuck it all, and raise them as pirates.

Hey, what’s the worst that could happen?

 

16 Reasons Why I Know He Loves Me

On By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

1009767_10201504985608570_2015118780_nSee that smile on the groom’s face?

That smile is for me.

Love seems to be an oversaturated concept, sometimes.

What is love? Who do you love? How do you know if you love someone? Do you love them, or are you “in love” with them? Can you love someone less over time? Is it still love at that point? What if you love someone more over time…what does that look like?

I’ll tell you what it looks like: it looks like believing in someone so much that you are completely vulnerable with them to handle your joys, your fears, your anxieties, your success and your failures.

And there is nothing you would enjoy more than to share theirs with them.

I know Ben loves me because…

  1. When he smiles at me, it is a very different smile. It isn’t a polite smile, or even a happy smile. It is a huge smile that goes down to the pit of his soul, and I love it. And it is just for me.
  2. He rubs my head while we watch “Halt and Catch Fire” together.
  3. He has the kids pick out what flowers to bring mom when they are at the store together.
  4. He goes to Costco all the time, because I hate it. (the experience, not the store. I love Costco. I hate crowds.)
  5. He loves my cooking.
  6. 16 years, and he is still wearing kilts. Granted, he likes them already….but I love them.
  7. He listens to my crazy ideas with an open mind, and even agrees with some of them. For some reason.
  8. He never mentions that I am behind on laundry, even when he can’t find a clean towel in the morning.
  9. He will dance with me anywhere.
  10. We still have epic plans for the future.
  11. He looks incredibly hot chopping wood. In a kilt. Life is very good.
  12. He tells me all his ideas, on everything, and I love listening to them.
  13. He shares his best Islay scotch with me, even though I don’t appreciate it like he does. (#bourbon)
  14. He understands me better than anyone, especially myself.
  15. He always makes sure I am wearing “good, sensible shoes.”
  16. He sincerely thinks I am the most beautiful woman on earth.

Love has a lot to do with trusting someone to love you, and trusting yourself to love them with everything you got.

16 years of marriage is no easy ride, regardless of how much fun we’re having along the way. We have built a home  for ourselves. We have gotten cars together, and broken cars together. We went through college together…well, we also graduated High School together. We have stayed up late talking about our relationship with each other, and we have stayed up late talking about our relationships with God with each other.  I understand that he really (really) hates clutter on the floor, and he understands that I will keep bringing home little animals for as long as there are little animals on the earth. We have discovered life-altering, incurable diseases together. We have spent nights, and days, in the ER and hospitals (mostly me).  We have brought 5 incredible lives into our lives together. He believes in me, and I am so proud of him.

And when he smiles at me, I am still struck with how happy he makes me every day.

Here’s to the next 84 years discovering life together 🙂

glassesCheers, dahling 🙂

3 Things That Make Parenting Harder

On By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

This article originally appeared on Ravishly.ravishly_0

Dreams Parents Have: Jelly Refilling Kiosks

On By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

image

Last night I dreamt that there was a jelly refilling kiosk outside of the mall.

You just show up and hand them your old gross bottles of jelly that has permanent jelly goo stuck on the outside, and they hand you a new, fresh, clean and filled jar of jelly.

WHO HASN’T THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE. WHY ISN’T THIS A THING??

Dude, I would use that sucker all the time.  Just stick a Starbucks on the corner and a little bakery for crumpets, and you could make millions of dollars on this.

Millions.

“I Deleted My Facebook Account…!” And Other Stupid Things I’ve Read Today

On By Tamarah RockwoodIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

elitism

“The belief that one’s social group is superior to another group.”

I think that pretty much sums it up. (thanks urbandictionary!)

Elitism is when you believe your group is socially better than another group. Elitism is saying, “Oh, I don’t use Facebook, because I am not a commoner. Muahaha.” *pinky finger* I kind of love Elitism, just because it is such a ridiculous idea…and I kind of love ridiculous ideas, because they make me laugh.

So. This morning I was visiting an online mother’s group I frequent, and I had the pleasure of reading an expose` on why some lady quit Facebook.

Not only did she quit Facebook, but she posted it onto this online forum to tell other people about it. Which…she could have just done on facebook. If she hadn’t deactivated her account. On Facebook.

Here’s the thing: No one cares if you quit facebook. You might care, but I don’t care. For the most part, whether or not someone is on facebook is only relevant to that person…and maybe some people they are close friends with who will think, “Why isn’t Becka on facebook anymore? Did she block me? Oh, she quit facebook. Well, that sounds like something Becka would do.”

Pretty much end of story after that. The world will keep spinning, there will continue to be cat gifs shared, and any of us on Facebook…will just continue doing Facebooky things.

Like.

Moral Disclaimer: Facebook isn’t for everyone. I have friends who are on it all the time, I have friends who just have an account but are never on. I text them to let them know if I have pictures of the kids up, but otherwise it is their business how involved they feel comfortable being on Facebook. I personally like it, because it is so much easier posting pictures and updates on Facebook than emailing it out to a bunch of people; especially when there are sensitive friends who don’t want their email to be looped into a huge group mail. Facebook keeps things anonymous for those who prefer anonymity, and transparency for those who are okay with transparency. Everyone has their own limits, and it is important to respect those limits.

Ask your doctor if Facebook is right for you.

As I was saying…

What I think is stupid is having puerile “OMG I QUIT FACEBOOK YOU GUYS!” posts. Online. In forums. That are just like Facebook. (but whatever)

Oh No. What are we going to do.

What is hilarious to me are the reasons why people quit Facebook.  How about we go through these reasons together?

Here we go!

1) You have more time for so much other stuff!

Like WHAT?? Laundry?? Cleaning?? Watching the grass grow??

Unless you are working on a doctoral thesis and need to seriously hunker down to get it finished, or if you are in the middle of childbirth, or if you are trapped in a volcano…what other stuff do you now have time for, that the Facebook app was getting in the way?

The reality is, it is just another app on your phone. You could always, oh I don’t know, have self-discipline and just not check Facebook every two minutes.  You could do that. Instead of freaking out and deleting everything because you can’t balance having an app on your phone and making sandwiches, all in the same day.

You could always do that.

2) You suck as a friend:

“I deactivated mine last night! I’m just so tired of being constantly connected to people I only kind of like.“

I’m just going to go out on a limb and say no one noticed that you quit. Except that now they have 60% fewer snarky remarks on their photos, for some reason.

Since you have so much time on your hands now, maybe you can devote it to reading a book on Kindness and Empathy. Because liking people is awesome, even people you kind of know. You should try it.

3) You are perfectly happy in your little bubble. Consisting of: You.

I can’t even make this up. I found this on Elite Daily.com

“The vast majority of my Facebook friends are not actual friends, but people who I’ll never see again (or at least hope to never see again). Mostly, they are acquaintances of real friends, and nothing against them, I just don’t care to see what they’re doing.

My feelings culminated one day as I was scrolling my newsfeed for any semblance of intelligence, when a rather long and emotionally charged post punched me in the gut. The poster was a woman — one whom I never met.  Maybe I met her once; I was drunk and can’t remember…”

This guy is such a winner, I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t like Facebook.

Oh yeah, maybe it is because he is the last intelligent person on the face of the earth. Thank goodness for him! And his online posts about quitting Facebook! That we can post onto Facebook!

He concluded his online post about how much he hates Facebook with this nugget of wisdom:

“The next time you’re about to put something on Facebook, don’t.”

Thanks Rudolpho Sanchez in Generation Y!

4) The concept of “community” and “social awareness” is a new concept to you

Jeannie Kim, from Health.com, had these personal revelations to share with us after she quit Facebook:

“Yes, I missed a bunch of birthdays, and yes, I would have missed the news of a former coworker’s engagement if another friend hadn’t seen the post and clued me in (thanks, Camille!). But to my surprise, even from day 1 of my fast, I didn’t feel like I was truly missing out on anything… 

What I wasn’t getting: constant updates about the awesome vacations people were taking (making me feel like a boring homebody), or the amazing educational activities they’d planned for their kids (making me feel like a slacker mom), or the IMPORTANT POLITICAL THING WE SHOULD ALL TAKE ACTION ON NOW that inevitably devolved into a nasty name-calling flame war (making me feel tired). I didn’t miss any of that at all.”

This is some hardcore psychology I’m gonna drop on you, Jeannie:

It is a mature and balanced person who can be happy for your friend’s successes, find joy in other’s accomplishments, and are interested in social/enviro/political awareness campaigns in order to make the world a better place, together.

What is not a mature and balanced perspective is seeing your friends’ accomplishments and only being about to think about yourself.

Seeing the primal, basic joy that a parent has when they watch their kids participate in something great, and foolishly only being able to think of yourself.

Or, reading a call-to-arms to promote awareness in the world in order to help people around us, and only thinking about what a burden it is for you to have to read the headline.

Listen, I’ll post on Facebook some articles I have read about what it means to be a decent human being…..OH, but you’re not there. That’s a shame.

5) You think you don’t matter to people

This is the worst reason, and it is a BIG FAT LIE. Sure, maybe if you have 975 friends, 920 of them don’t care what your new shoes look like. I think that is a reasonable claim.

However, if you believe that what you do doesn’t matter, then you are believing the worst lie in the history of mankind. Men’s Journal had this huge long list of reasons why everyone should quit facebook, along with points like “it ruins your health and you are going to die omg!” (not joking…it’s on there). But they also had this terrible, horrible, no-good comment:

“Nothing You Post Actually Matters
Very few people care what you’re doing, whom you’re with, where you’re eating, or what you just bought, and the people who do were probably right next to you when you did it. “

I care about my friends on Facebook, and I like to see who they’re with, what they’re eating, what they just bought and other such things that are important to them.  Because I like them, and that’s what friends do. We are interested in what happens in our lives, and we are interested in each other’s ideas, and we genuinely want to see our friends happy, well fed and surrounded by people who love them, doing things that makes them happy.

Most of my best friends don’t live near me, and I am always excited to see what their kids are doing, pictures their daughters draw for them, flowers their sons bring to them while playing in the backyard, little kids in floaties at the pool, friends on dates with their husbands, vacation pictures, call-to-arms for prayer….

We are all in this together.

That is the point of Facebook. It is to allow us to be together, when we are physically too far apart.

So, go Like someone’s page today. Because they matter, and you matter 🙂 Don’t be a quitter…be a friend.